It's not even noon yet...

...and this is what has been goin' down at this house today.

5:20 am Jayden wakes up to eat and wakes up the girls with his I-mean-business/feed-me-now cry.

7:30 am Joanna poops in her panties and attempts to clean it up herself, getting you know what all over the bathroom.

9:00 am Jaclyn finds a stack of unused post-it notes and confettis her room with them. What fun!

10:30 am While I am nursing the baby, both girls get into the box of q-tips in the bathroom and sprinkle at least 100 of them on the floor. Joanna comes to me with a sheepish grin on her face to tell me that there's a "terrible mess in the bafroom". Oh, and she had a q-tip stuck in each ear AND in each nostril!!

I better get off the pc. Heaven knows what else they might do unless I watch them like a hawk today.

Angry Whopper

Saturday we had some serious shopping to do. And if you live in Ellensburg, WA and have more to buy than just groceries and Wrangler jeans, you must go to a friendly little town down the yellow brick road called Yakima. And there you will find Costco and Walmart and Target. Oh my. Cold Stone and Olive Garden and Miner's oh my. Hey, for all of you who have never been to Yakima, did you know that it is the self-proclaimed "Palm Springs of Washington"? ha. ha. ha. (Those who have visited this "gem" along I-82 know that it's anything but that. Try "The Armpit of Washington".)

Anyway, after about 4 hours of shopping we made it to our last stop. The place I dread the most. For both political and logistical reasons. Walmart. That place is always such a zoo. Even at 9 a.m. on a Tuesday. And we were there on a Saturday. Grrrr.

The kids had behaved beautifully all day until the last half hour. (Well, there was one incident where Joanna ran off on us and nearly gave me a heart attack. We were browsing at curtains in an isle near electronics. I finally found Joanna gazing at a ginormous plasma tv playing WALL-E. Of course. My little tv junkie.) The girls were getting cranky. We could tell that meltdowns were on their way. So we made our purchases and made a b-line for the door.

Unfortunately, most shopping trips to Yakima require that we drop at least a couple hundred bucks, so we normally try to be a wee bit thrifty and pack snacks to eat until we can get home and eat lunch/dinner. But the kids were starving and crying and exhausted and Josh was famished from skipping breakfast, so we decided to swing by Burger King on our way home.

By this point all 3 kids were whining and crying. The girls were picking on each other. Both Josh and I were biting our tongues and trying really hard to remember that they were just as tired and hungry as we were. As we pulled up to the drivethrough menu board to place our order, Jaclyn started screaming at the top of her lungs and would not stop. (Hence the reason why I chose a screaming banshee to be her alter ego.) The BK worker lady kept asking Josh to repeat himself, as she couldn't hear him talking over all the screaming. So Josh turned around and yelled at the kids, "Be quiet right now!!!" Then, in the same breath, he told the lady in a calm, collected voice, "I'd like the Angry Whopper value meal...." We couldn't help it. Josh and I looked at each other and started laughing. Well, we thought it was hilarious. Maybe you had to be there.

Glasses

A few months ago I noticed that Joanna's left eye wanders when she looks up from something she's working on. It normally happens when she is reading or coloring, playing with a toy, or watching tv. She'll look away from that thing to look at you and that darn left eye drifts inward. At first Josh and I kidded around to ourselves that she was just going to be a goofy looking kid. Aren't we such nice parents?! But then we thought that we'd better get it checked out.

Joanna went to the optometrist about a month ago and come to find out, she is very far-sighted! It turns out that she's been compensating her whole life and we never knew it! If it wasn't for the lazy eye thing to indicate a problem, we wouldn't have known to correct anything. Joanna has always been extremely coordinated and conscious of where she is in space. She knows many numbers and letters by sight, she knows her colors, animals, etc. so I never even imagined that she had a vision problem. Plus Josh and I both have 20/20 vision.

The glasses should correct her vision after wearing them for a few years. We picked them up this evening and so far she has no interest in them at all. In fact when the optometrist assistant put the glasses on her for the first time Joanna promptly removed them and said, "No thanks!" So I guess we'll start out by having her wear them 10-15 minutes at a time and then build up from there. I'm just wondering how long these glasses are going to last in our house. Jaclyn has already tried ripping them off of Joanna's face a few times and Joanna needs to learn how to handle the glasses carefully. Hmmm, I'm glad that we have good insurance right now! We might be going through a dozen pairs the first year. ;-)

Sunbeam........already?

Joanna went to Primary for the first time last Sunday. A couple days before I began prepping her, trying to explain that at church she would go to a different room to see her friends. She would still get to sing songs and learn about Jesus, but her teacher would be different. I tried to emphasize that it would be fun. So Sunday morning she was super excited to get to church, as always. Her and Jaclyn always get so excited to put on their "princess dresses" to go "learn about Jesus", as they say to each other.

I wish our digital camera wasn't broken, otherwise I'd show you the picture I took on my stone age camera of Joanna just before entering the Primary room. Her face beamed! I wonder how her little body held all her enthusiasm in! When I took her to the Sunbeam row to meet her teacher she became the turtle trying to hide in its shell. She didn't want to sit next to the teacher right away. I stayed with her for a few minutes and then she did fine. Eventually her friends arrived (we have the 8:30 am church this year so it's hard getting to church on time!) and she perked right up. When we came to get her I asked her how she liked Primary. She told me about singing I Am a Child of God and making hats. She's an easy-going kid and adapts well to change, so I think she'll be fine.

The question is, will her mom be fine?? It was so surreal waking up that morning and realizing that I have a child old enough to be in the Primary program. It was hard for me to drop her off that morning. When she started nursery class, Josh and I were elated. That meant that we could actually attend RS/Priesthood and Sunday School with minimal interruptions and actually, oh, I don't know, feel the Spirit at church?! But Primary?? This means that my plight to keep my babies as babies is not working!!!!

It is certifiably unfair how quickly babies grow into toddlers, how quickly toddlers mature into preschoolers, and so on. This last Sunday it hit me. One minute they are a cooing, drooling infant who snuggles into the crook of your arm as you rock them to sleep. Before you can blink twice, they can use words to tell you (with attitude) "I don't like your movie. I wanna watch Sleeping Beauty instead." They can peddle a tricycle straight into their kid sister, knocking her to the ground. And they can console their crying baby brother by getting in his face and gently saying, "It's okay baby Jayden. It's alright because I love you."

It's ironic. On one hand, I feel like I've always been a mother. (Or maybe it's just a feeling of not remembering the last time I had 5 minutes to myself?!) On the other hand, it feels like yesterday when Joanna was born and I laid my eyes on her sweet face for the first time. Watching Joanna sit in Primary last Sunday was a wake up call to me. What everybody (your mother, aunt, the doting old grandpa man at the grocery store) tells you about them growing up too fast is so true. Don't get me wrong. It's nice to have Joanna (and Jaclyn) become more independent and capable of doing more things unassisted. It makes my job easier. And it's gratifying to watch them perfect their new skills, interact with others, share a toy (okay, that only happens when the stars are in perfect alignment), say hi to someone we pass on the street, etc.

But do they have to do all those things now? Why can't the aging process of a baby be any slower??

First Date

It just so happened that this morning as I was getting ready for the day, scenes, such as the one pictured above, from A Christmas Story popped into my head. And then a little while ago I got an email from a friend with the story below. Once again, this image of Flick getting his tongue stuck to a freezing pole came to mind. You'll see why in a minute.

WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER--- If you didn't see this on the Tonight Show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story I've ever read...first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere without a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while; unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car...

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show...

So this raises a great topic for discussion.

What is your story of your first date with Mr. Right? Please share in the comments.

Here is our story of our first official date. Josh took me to see Remember the Titans in the theatres in Lakewood. As he parked the car I told him that I was pretty hungry because I didn't have a chance to eat dinner before he picked me up. We still had about 20 minutes to kill before the movie started. I told him that I didn't want to buy movie food because, well, I'm cheap and I've never been able to justify spending half my paycheck on popcorn and candy. Josh, being the gentleman that he was...err...I mean...IS (hahaha.), jokingly replied, "Aahh, don't worry about it. It won't be half your paycheck, it will be half of mine!" Perhaps at this juncture we both realized one more thing we had in common; we both like to be very careful with our money.

Anyway, I noticed a grocery store across the street and suggested that we go there to grab some grub. While roaming the isles it dawned on us that you can't just walk in to a movie theatre with loads of "traitor food". Everybody knows that you bring a big purse with you and smuggle it all in that way. Well, on this particular night I did not have my purse. We wanted to buy a big bag of trail mix but had no way of getting it in the theatre undetected by, I don't know. Movie Police? Then Josh had an epiphany. A moment of sheer genius. I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt that night ('cause c'mon ladies. What else would you wear to impress a guy on a first date?!?!) and he thought that if I tucked the huge bag of trail mix under my sweatshirt and evened it out just right, it could pass for a pregnant belly.

Now maybe in that moment I was desperate. Perhaps I was so starving, I was willing to try anything to get that food in the theatres with us. Because I went along with it! (Once again, what better idea to impress a guy on a first date than to appear five months pregnant. Holy cow, what was I thinking?? I don't know, maybe the Peter Priesthoods out there want to know what a prospective wife looks like in that condition. Hey. Wait just a minute. I just figured it out! Maybe Josh had this planned all along. Or maybe he used to ask this of all his first dates as some sort of sick filtering process! Ha.)

We took the trail mix back to his car where I proceeded to evenly tuck the bag in my sweatshirt. I don't know if he remembers this, but as we walked into the theatre, Josh said to me, "You know, you make a pretty good lookin' pregnant lady." (how haunting were those words, buddy. Who ever knew that some day, you'd see me like that 3x in 3 years...and it would be your doing!!) Our little plan worked. Nobody questioned us, and luckily nothing embarrassing happened, like the bag falling out of my clothes in front of everybody. We joked that if anybody was paying attention, they'd have noticed that I looked at least 5 months pg going in, and not pg at all coming out. We had the baby and ate it during the movie.