It just so happened that this morning as I was getting ready for the day, scenes, such as the one pictured above, from A Christmas Story popped into my head. And then a little while ago I got an email from a friend with the story below. Once again, this image of Flick getting his tongue stuck to a freezing pole came to mind. You'll see why in a minute.
WORST FIRST DATE STORY EVER--- If you didn't see this on the Tonight Show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story I've ever read...first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere without a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while; unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car...
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.
Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!
Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.
As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'. And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.' Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show...
So this raises a great topic for discussion.
What is your story of your first date with Mr. Right? Please share in the comments.
Here is our story of our first official date. Josh took me to see Remember the Titans in the theatres in Lakewood. As he parked the car I told him that I was pretty hungry because I didn't have a chance to eat dinner before he picked me up. We still had about 20 minutes to kill before the movie started. I told him that I didn't want to buy movie food because, well, I'm cheap and I've never been able to justify spending half my paycheck on popcorn and candy. Josh, being the gentleman that he was...err...I mean...IS (hahaha.), jokingly replied, "Aahh, don't worry about it. It won't be half your paycheck, it will be half of mine!" Perhaps at this juncture we both realized one more thing we had in common; we both like to be very careful with our money.
Anyway, I noticed a grocery store across the street and suggested that we go there to grab some grub. While roaming the isles it dawned on us that you can't just walk in to a movie theatre with loads of "traitor food". Everybody knows that you bring a big purse with you and smuggle it all in that way. Well, on this particular night I did not have my purse. We wanted to buy a big bag of trail mix but had no way of getting it in the theatre undetected by, I don't know. Movie Police? Then Josh had an epiphany. A moment of sheer genius. I was wearing a baggy sweatshirt that night ('cause c'mon ladies. What else would you wear to impress a guy on a first date?!?!) and he thought that if I tucked the huge bag of trail mix under my sweatshirt and evened it out just right, it could pass for a pregnant belly.
Now maybe in that moment I was desperate. Perhaps I was so starving, I was willing to try anything to get that food in the theatres with us. Because I went along with it! (Once again, what better idea to impress a guy on a first date than to appear five months pregnant. Holy cow, what was I thinking?? I don't know, maybe the Peter Priesthoods out there want to know what a prospective wife looks like in that condition. Hey. Wait just a minute. I just figured it out! Maybe Josh had this planned all along. Or maybe he used to ask this of all his first dates as some sort of sick filtering process! Ha.)
We took the trail mix back to his car where I proceeded to evenly tuck the bag in my sweatshirt. I don't know if he remembers this, but as we walked into the theatre, Josh said to me, "You know, you make a pretty good lookin' pregnant lady." (how haunting were those words, buddy. Who ever knew that some day, you'd see me like that 3x in 3 years...and it would be your doing!!) Our little plan worked. Nobody questioned us, and luckily nothing embarrassing happened, like the bag falling out of my clothes in front of everybody. We joked that if anybody was paying attention, they'd have noticed that I looked at least 5 months pg going in, and not pg at all coming out. We had the baby and ate it during the movie.
