Today was our sixth wedding anniversary. Really? Has it been six years already? And look at how much has changed! Some days I think wow, we've been married forever. Then others I look at Josh and think, who
are you?? I still love the man even after all we've been through.
Since this is my blog and I can say whatever I want, I'm going to give you the honest, un-sugarcoated truth about our marriage. Because sometimes I think that we (myself included) make such an effort to put our best face forward when we put ourselves out in the world. But today, as I think about what my marriage to Mr. Ramsey means to me, I know that despite our differences and shortcomings, I love him for who he is. Not for who
I think he should be.
Now maybe you and your sweetheart happen to be the scientific anomaly who have the picture perfect marriage. But if you are like the rest of us, then I'm hoping that my honesty will give you some sort of assurance that we are all in this together, and that you
don't have to feel like you're the one in the only difficult marriage in town, and all the rest of us are over at our homes livin' it up June Cleaver style.
Josh and I love each other to pieces. I know he loves me because I tell him to tell me every day. ;-) No really, we really do. But WOW are we sooooo different. And we've almost thrown in the towel once or twice. Seriously. We really don't have any shared hobbies. I love to read and watch movies and do anything outdoorsy. His primary hobby is video gaming. A LOT of gaming. Some days I feel like the video games become a third party in our marriage. They have become a wedge in our relationship that has hindered our growth as a couple. It is something that we are working through with the help of our Bishop and I feel confident that we will weather this. In addition, our expectations of what a wife/mother and husband/father should be are very different. And the list goes on.
A few months ago we arrived at a crossroads. We sat down together and talked like rational adults. Okay, there were points where, at best, we acted like irrational 3rd graders. We asked each other, is this what we want for the rest of our lives and for all eternity? Are we making each other happier? Is he/she holding me back from who I want to become? And then the most horrible question of all.
Are we just going to stay together for the kids???We both took a couple days to ponder these questions. We both came to the realization that we DO want this to work. And not just for the sake of the precious children we have given life to together, but for ourselves. Because for a while I lost sight of the word 'eternity'. And what eternal progression is. We don't have to have our relationship perfectly worked out in 6 years. Or even 50. I love Josh for who he is. Game head and all.
I have been making an effort to add to my prayers, Heavenly Father, please help me to see nothing but the good in my husband today. And He has been answering these silent pleadings. I have found myself feeling so grateful for everything my husband does. (and maybe even for the things he still
doesn't do!!)
And most importantly, I stop my thoughts cold in their tracks when I catch myself thinking, but what if I'd married so-and-so. Or, but what if I found somebody else who shared this interest with me or who was more romantic or who cooked
me dinner sometimes, etc.
In this case,
the grass is never greener on the other side. Too many people search and search for that perfect soul mate; the one that's got it all. But they inevitably come up disappointed. Every man and woman on this planet comes fully equipped with their unique blend of quirks and weaknesses. I need to remember to be grateful that Josh so patiently accepts me for all of mine.
Josh is the most kind hearted man. He is very (sometimes brutally) honest and full of integrity. He is a man of his word. He may not always jump right in and lend a hand without me asking first, but he has always been willing to do whatever Honey Do chore I implore. And always (well, almost always!) without complaint. He shares in all the duties that come along with havin' youngins around. He does diapers and baths and the occasional doctor's visit. Even the ones when they get shots.
I think what I have come to value most about Josh is the Christ-like way he is able to forgive. He never holds a grudge. Even when I have hurt his feelings he is able to quickly forgive me and we move on.
Most importantly, his faith in God and in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is rock solid. I admire him for that. His faith has been an anchor and a compass for me.
So, moral of the story. After six years of marriage, I can safely say that we are together. United. Stronger than ever and more determined to make. this. work. Not just for the kids. But because we are committed to one another. And because I see us growing together; not apart. I see us teaching one another how to be better people. His strengths are my weaknesses and my strengths are his weaknesses. We seem to compliment each other very well that way. I see clearly now why God gave Josh to me.
Back in January I had a sniffle sniffle mom moment as I dropped Joanna off in Primary for the first time. This morning I had another one as I dropped her off for her first day of preschool. Joanna, on the other hand, held no reservations. She made a b-line for the door the minute her teacher opened it at 8:30 a.m.!! She has been extremely excited to go to school.
