MY strong self, real self

Okay, this post relates to the previous post; the one with the quote from Carl Rogers. So first, read the quote, then come back and read this little story I have to tell. It's a true story. *Names have been changed to protect the innocent.* ;-)

Winter quarter classes just began, and among the courses I am taking is a Relationships and Personal Development class. Since I am (now) a Family Studies major, I am taking this class because it pertains to intimacy, relationships, marriage, self-exploration, etc. You know, FAMILY STUDIES and PSYCHOLOGY type stuff. My professor is an older gentleman. He began the hour by going over the syllabus, explaining course objectives...all the usual things. Okay. Then the professor began telling us a little about himself. He shared some background about his upbringing and education. So I'm still thinking to myself, typical first-day stuff, right?!

Now here's where it got interesting. After a few minutes or so he mentions the fact that he grew up in southern Utah and went to the University of Utah. So I'm thinking, okay, maybe the guy is LDS. Well sure enough, he begins a 45-minute schpeel (I timed him!) about the "Mormon" church, making sure to include everything from polygamy, the "restrictions" of the Word of Wisdom, and a handful of anti-Mormon beliefs. His voice and mannerisms were snide, sarcastic, and cynical, and it seemed like he took great pleasure in getting a rouse out of my fellow students. Students laughed at many comments he made and I heard many sighs of disbelief as he shared a story about his great-grandfather who practiced polygamy and had two wives that hated each other.

It also seemed like he had a bone to pick with the church because he said that he never married, and he chose not to do so, to intentionally defy the LDS culture's philosophy that everyone should marry and have large families. (Of course, the church does teach that families are important, but the way he described it made our doctrine sound completely twisted and confounding.) He even explained that when he lived in SLC years and years ago, his bishop tried to set him up on blind dates and would periodically call him into his office to tell him that he was going to hell if he didn't get married.

By this point my blood was boiling and I had the feeling that my heart was pounding hard and would jump out of my chest at any moment!! I had raised my hand a couple times in attempts to interrupt his rant, but he didn't see me. When he was finally done indoctrinating the class about our beloved faith, he called a 10-minute break, so I seized the opportunity to give him a piece of MY mind!!!

Here's the gist of what I told him...
*Professor Corihor*, I want to tell you that I am an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I did not appreciate anything you said regarding our church. What you just shared was false and misleading, and none of it pertained one bit to this course's description!! This isn't a religion or philosophy class. If you harbor ill feelings toward the church for whatever reason, that's YOUR business. You have the right to express those feelings with your family and friends. But using your classroom as a forum to share your anti-Mormon beliefs is NOT appropriate, tasteful, or respectful to students such as myself who hold high esteem for the church.

Then *Corihor* rebuttled saying that he didn't think that he was being cynical or rude at all!!!!! He felt that everything he said pertained perfectly to the course and that it needed to be shared in order to understand his background and beliefs on family. (Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.)

So then I told him that if he felt it was necessary to explain his Mormon upbringing, he should not have included ANY false remarks which attack the church, its doctrine, its culture, or its people. I told him that he was way out of line and that he should apologize to me and to the other students. He just looked at me and said nothing.

Well, the break ended, I returned to my seat, and he resumed class. But he didn't offer one word of apology.

...okay, so now I pose a question to ya'll who've actually read this entire thing. Do you feel that I should speak with the Dean of the dept. about this? I mean, if this is what the man did yesterday, I'm sure he's done it in previous classes, and I'm sure he'll continue to spread anti-Mormon sentiments in the future. (Which, of course, have NOTHING to do with the course material.) I know that I am in the right, and that in today's world students have rights about these sorts of attacks on their spiritual beliefs. I'm also concerned now about my grade in the class!! What if he black lists me and gives me a bad grade because of what I said to him?? Should I even stay in the class or drop it?

Most of all, I've been thinking about him all day. I can't help but wonder what could have happened to him that made him so incredibly bitter and angry about the church. I can only imagine that it had something to do with the whole never-getting-married thing. (He also told the class that he moved to Washington to "escape" the pressures he faced in Utah.) I want to reach out to him and help him, but I just don't know if it's my place. I've been trying to think about what I could say. If you have any advice, I'm open to it!! Please share your insights about the situation and about what you might say to him that could console him in any way.

Oh, one more thing. I find it ironic that he shared the Carl Rogers quote with us. What I observed from yesterday's proceedings is that *Prof. Corihor* still wears his mask every day. He hasn't been able to forgive the people who have insulted or hurt him, which makes him very vulnerable. Oh, and did I mention that he used to be a Marriage Counselor?!?!

Strong Self, Real Self

Carl Rogers on "Being Real"

There is basically nothing to be afraid of when I present myself as I am.
When I can come forth non-defensively, without armor, just me, when I can accept the fact that I have many deficiencies, many faults, make lots of mistakes, am often ignorant when I should be knowledgeable, often prejudiced when I should be open minded, often have feelings that are not justified by the circumstances--then I can be much more real.

And when I can come out wearing no armor, making no effort to be different from what I am, I learn so much more, even from criticism and hostility, and I am so much more relaxed, and I get so much closer to people.

My willingness to be vulnerable brings forth so much more real feeling from other people. I enjoy life much more when I am not defensive, not hiding behind a facade, just trying to be and express the real me.

~Rogers, Freedom to Learn, p. 229

Jaclyn's and Mariska's Party

Last week (11/30), a few days before Jaclyn's real birthday, we threw a joint party with some friends. They, too, have a little girl. Her name is Mariska and her birthday was Nov. 28th. Since Jaclyn's was Dec. 6th, we figured, hey! Why not celebrate together. The neatest part of the night was seeing how differently the two girls approached their cakes. First, this is our dainty little lady. She stared at the cake for a minute, then cautiously tasted it with her fingers. I don't even know if she actually ingested any cake. I think all she tried was the frosting. After a few more minutes, she lost interest and wanted down. Ho hum.




Now take Mariska. This little girl didn't waste any time. The second her mom placed the cake in front of her she went to town! It was so funny!! With mounds of cake in both fists, she gobbled up her cake in no time. She meant business, folks!! Yummy yummy!!! Isn't she cute with cake all over her face?!?!

Happy First Birthday Jaclyn!!!

Jaclyn on a 4-wheeler

Jaclyn, one day old

All smiles on Easter Sunday


Look at that hair!!

Jaclyn feeling the breeze from a fan with her tongue

Tuckered out after lots of bouncing!

Today is Jaclyn's 1st Birthday!!! What an exciting day at our house. Jaclyn, of course, is oblivious, but Josh and I took a few minutes to reflect on the past year and share some of our favorite memories made with her this year. I think all of you with children would agree that these kids grow up way too fast. Jaclyn is the greatest blessing to our family. She is so smiley and happy, easy-going and "low maintenance"--all perfect qualities in a second child!! (Especially when she came just 15 months after her older sister, Joanna.) Here are some of our favorite memories of Jaclyn:

1. Jaclyn was born on Dec. 6, 2006, at 11:33 a.m. That whirlwind morning is forever etched in my memory; not because I was the one experiencing the labor pains, but because of our crazy trip to the hospital. My labors progress rapidly. Contractions quickly became extremely intense and so I said to Josh in a slightly psychotic voice, "We need to go NOW!!!!" Josh seized the opportunity to speed a bit recklessly through town. (We had a legitimate reason, right?!) He whipped out of our apartment complex, blew through two stop signs, and drove 40 in a 25; all before being pulled over by a policeman. The cop gladly let us go but gave Josh a warning to watch his speed. I couldn't believe he didn't give us a police escort to the hospital, though.
2. Jaclyn was the easiest newborn!! All she did during the first two months of her life was eat, sleep, and poop. She loved to snuggle and be held. In fact, in the hospital she insisted upon sleeping next to me in my bed. Every time I swaddled her and put her in her bassinet, she'd wake up and fuss.
3. From about 4-8 months of age, she'd feel the breeze from a fan or the wind outside by sticking out her tongue!! It was so funny to watch.
4. Jaclyn's hair stuck straight up for the first 6 months of her life!! No matter what I did to comb it down, it always had a mind of its own and stood straight up again.
5. She loves her bouncy chair. She catches air in that thing. She also loves to bounce on people's laps.
6. At 3 months, she came with me to see the high school theatre department perform "Beauty and the Beast". She slept and ate through the whole show!
7. When she was 6 months, we took a 15-hour trip to North Dakota for my 10-year high school reunion. I couldn't believe how great she and her sister did driving there and back. She also didn't mind it when she got passed around the room where ever we went. What a trooper!!
8. Jaclyn began to army crawl at 7 months. I think because she wanted to keep up with big sister, she'd scoot herself with her arms and drag her body across the floor. She decided to crawl on her hands and knees at 9 months.
9. She loved it when I sang "There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a Fly". I don't know why she loved that song, I guess I have a pretty voice?! ;-)
10. We all went to the Woodland Park Zoo this summer and Jaclyn had a great time. I couldn't believe how alert she was and how much she loved to look at all the animals.
11. Jaclyn still isn't walking on her own, but she's getting there. She loves it when we hold her hands and walk with her. She even steers us by pulling our hands in the direction she wants to go!!
12. Jaclyn is a thumb sucker. Heck, even an ultrasound picture shows her sucking her thumb en utero! To this day she'll pop that thumb in her mouth when she soothes herself to sleep or when she gets upset.
13. This summer when we went to Utah to visit Josh's family, we got to ride 4-wheelers. Even Jaclyn got a turn! Josh slowly drove around with her on his lap.
14. Jaclyn dressed up as Yoda for her first Halloween! She looked so cute.
15. Last Friday we celebrated her birthday with some friends who also have a little girl the same age. John and Chantalle's daughter is named Mariska, and she turned one last week. Chantalle made each girl their own mini cake to eat and destroy. Mariska voraciously ate her cake, grabbing double-fisted hand fulls of chocolate cake and gobbling it down. She loved it!! But Jaclyn, on the other hand, barely touched her cake! I couldn't believe it. She poked it and stared at it for a few minutes before daintily eating a few small bites. (She definitely did not get that trait from me!) We took lots of cute pictures of the birthday party, but I'll have to post them another day. The pics are still on our digital camera and our usb cable decided to bite the dust.

We love you Jaclyn!!

In Remembrance of Kay

Kay Pladson

Me with Michele

My best friend growing up in Dickinson, ND is Michele Pladson. We attended first grade together, and have been best friends ever since. During the summer months I think I spent more of my time over at her house than at mine! Well, last Friday afternoon I got a call that Michele's mother, Kay, had died in her sleep early that morning. Her death came as a complete shock to all. She seemed perfectly fine the day before she passed, and she was only 51. A few hours before she died she awoke one of her sons to request a back/shoulder rub. She told him that her neck, shoulders, and lower back were incredibly sore and that her arms were tingly. The family is still awaiting the official report from the coroner, but it seems that she might have died from a heart attack or a brain aneurysm.



I wanted to be there for Michele, so I literally packed a few things and ran out the door in a matter of a few hours and caught an early morning flight to Dickinson. Josh stayed home with the girls and received some much needed help from his sister, Lauren, who flew up from Utah until I returned home. In addition, my brother, Derek, stayed and helped out for a day or so. It was relieving to know that the kids were in good hands while I was gone. (On a side note, the 4 days I was gone was by far the longest I'd ever been away from my girls! It was hard.)



Michele's family came together to mourn and make sense of Kay's death. Kay was the glue that held that family together. Michele and I discussed that perhaps this was the Lord's way of relieving her from so many stresses placed upon her over the last year, as well as an opportunity for the rest of the family to grow on a number of levels. This trial will certainly make all involved stronger and more faithful.



To be honest, prior to this weekend, I'd been less diligent at reading the scriptures daily and doing my part to stay close to the Lord. As is the case with all serious trials in our lives, we tend to draw closer to our Savior in these times of great distress and sadness. I have been reading scriptures and praying like crazy this week, and my faith has grown tremendously. I had prayed to have opportunities to share my testimony regarding the plan of salvation and the Savior's atonement with Michele's family. My prayers were answered! I had countless opportunities to witness to them and share my firm testimony that they can be with their beloved mother again. This experience has reassured me that we WILL live beyond the grave. This mortal life, when our eternal spirits are coupled with a physical body, is but a temporary, probational state. We are here to prove ourselves to Heavenly Father. We are here to make daily choices--some big, some small--all of which will show Him just how willing we are to make sacrifices, obey His commandments, serve our neighbor, and become more like Jesus Christ.



If it wasn't for Jesus' supreme sacrifice, none of us would live beyond the grave. And death would be the end of our existence. But how grievious and pointless would that be!! The Holy Spirit has testified to me that our spirits DO go on existing, and that we WILL be with our most cherished associates made in this earthly life. I am so grateful for the Savior! He alone provided this blessing to us all--whether we accept Him as our Savior or not--it's a gift to every child of God. So this Christmas season, as we celebrate his humble birth, let's take time to thank God for sending Him to us. "For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16.



Here is a link to Kay's obituary: http://www.stevensonfuneralhome.com/obits/Pladson%20Kay.pdf